Monday, 20 April 2009

POEM9: Girls in TV

Girls, in my tender youth
I have often thought about
what it must be like to be a lesbo
And then I realised I like men
Who enrich my busy life
and take me by the hand
Who give me a big sparkly wand
to wave at the people below
as I sit on my fluffy cloud
With the big sky above
and the little people so far below
and then I disappear-
-with a poof!

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

C4 smeargate scandal

Oh-My-God dear readers....! I've just had the fishy Dark Lord -Mr Herring- on the phone asking me if I've seen the TVC smeargate emails running on media monkey...? What emails? How could I possibly be so out of the loop on this? I instucted Zac the hunky new runner to print them off for me on the new carbon neutral recycled bird poo A4 paper I've started using, and I couldn't believe what I was reading:

RE: Channel4 smear memo

Anthony, please do the necessary tweaks to this and disseminate to all the usual sources esp. Press Assoc, Sky and James Herring.

To: AllTVC; AllWC; All Studios; All Commissioners; All Execs; All Media; All Regional
RE: What to do about Channel 4?

Dear All

I think it's time we seized our opportunity to destabilise Channel 4 in this current time of economic uncertainty. I want everyone to think about the things Kev, Julian and the team have done badly this year, and then let's arrange some blue-sky-thought showers in the department pods to decide on the best ones. These will then be planted in the mass media via the BBC News service. A free Sky+ box to whoever comes up with the most damning criticisms.

To help get those rusty brains working - What is it about their factual output these days? Their Cutting Edges feel old, they can't commission a film without 10 weeks of development by which time the access has gone cold and ITV have stolen the idea. Entertainment is weak and dilluted by their over reliance on pastiche studio shows. [And what is Chris Moyles doing back on TV? I thought Chris Evans had done everything in his power to kill off the big fat gobshite?] and then we have their specialist factual department which seems dominated by David Starkey and sperm racing. Yawn.

[NOTE to the diversity department - how many Asians do we have compared to them?]

Look forward to hearing you ideas.

Fifi, your commander-in-chief

blah blah blah usual fake outro...